i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
