How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
