i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
