after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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