you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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