I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
