I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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