She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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