If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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