just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
