I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
