I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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