She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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