my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
