sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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