So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
