it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
