This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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