My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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