I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
This girl is more easily done than said...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
