I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
