Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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