Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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