The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
