Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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