Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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