What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
