Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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