I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
