Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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