Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
