I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
