i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Semen is not good for contacts.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
