he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
