Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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