It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
