So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
