Ambien. No doubt about it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
