I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
