The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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