The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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