My underwear smells like fireworks.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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