I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
