so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
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He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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