Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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