So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
