the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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