Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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