I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
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I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
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He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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