I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
