dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
