Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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