we have officially lost it.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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