I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
