Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
