Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
