All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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