how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
