Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
