"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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