Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
