It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
