When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
