A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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