Me. At least after what I've been through.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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