Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
