He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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