i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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