Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
