what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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