how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
