I want to have your abortion
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
