True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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