is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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