Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
