Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
