No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
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