some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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