If that was your dad, he is hot
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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