Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
