We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
